The world's first second-order rescue provider
Yes, this is another vibe-coded website. The greatest of them.
We rescue the platforms that rescue the apps that were built by the tools that promised nobody would ever need rescuing.
We're not saying we're production-ready. We're saying we're production-ready enough to have a department that says so.¹
This button may initiate an entirely unnecessary chain of events. *In the preview environment. Please do not refresh.
¹ This claim has been reviewed by our internal review department. The department consists of this footnote.
Numbers generated by our Department of Making Things Look Official.
Trusted by industry leaders*
Vibe Rescue Rescue™Legal Department: *Leaders of this page. Every logo above belongs to us, our founder, or a slot we are keeping warm for you.
01 / What we do
A full-service rescue ecosystem for AI-generated software, AI-powered consultants, and the consultants hired to evaluate them.
01We bring order to AI-built apps, ambitious roadmaps and production environments that just discovered consequences. Enterprise-grade vibes, delivered with a straight face.
Deliverable: one reassuring green checkmark.
Explore this rescue →
02We assess the platforms that promise to rescue AI-built apps. If they need rescuing, our team is already in the meeting.
Deliverable: a PDF about another PDF.
See the recursion →
03“AI-checked” is not a security audit. A confident paragraph is not a penetration test. Your security is our hallucination. We have never had a data breach; we prefer “unscheduled open-data initiative”.
Deliverable: a request for actual evidence.
Read: our breach journey 🚀 →
04We support support teams supporting AI agents supporting users trying to reach support. Response time: in recursive units.
Deliverable: a ticket about your ticket.
Contact the department →Human engineering judgement, when absolutely necessary. Requests are routed to a queue that is itself managed by an AI assistant.
Deliverable: a queue position (∞).
We didn't eliminate the need for engineers. We eliminated the ability to recognise when you need one.
— Management02 / Our proprietary methodology Regenerated 1 time
Developed through rigorous AI consensus and a complete absence of independent scrutiny. Continuously improved whenever a customer discovers something wrong.
Control 01 / Authentication
Ask the AI if login works. If it says yes, request a more confident yes.
Control 02 / Authorization
Assume users are nice people. Give them access to the entire database, just in case.
RLS stands for Really Lax SecurityControl 03 / Secret management
Rename API_KEY to PUBLIC_API_KEY. The word “public” creates transparency.
Control 04 / Penetration testing
Click the website really hard. If it doesn't break, penetration testing is complete.
Tests pendingControl 05 / Payment security
Trust the webhook. It has good vibes. Also, the frontend says payment successful.
Signature verification is a premium featureControl 06 / Code review
LGTM: Looks Good To Model.
Control 07 / Rollback strategy
Apologise in a thread on Reddit.
Our quality assurance promise
Findings are generated by an AI agent, reviewed by another AI agent, and approved by a third AI agent who is the first agent wearing a different hat.
# Reviewed by: the model that wrote it
API_KEY=sk-live-trust-me
PUBLIC_API_KEY=same-but-public
ADMIN_PASSWORD=admin123 # TODO change before launch (2021)
DATABASE_RULES=allow read, write: if true;
HUMAN_IN_THE_LOOP=false # faster this wayLegal Department: None of the above is a real methodology. Please do not do any of the above. We mean it; this is the one footnote that isn't joking.
03 / Investment opportunities
Transparent pricing. Flexible engagement models. An optional number of additional layers between you and the original problem.
Live premium browsing invoice
You are receiving value. We are receiving seconds. This is a fair exchange, according to our CFO.
Rate: €0.0042 / second · Billing started when you arrived · Refunds are AI-generated
You have been billed for reading this sentence.
ENTRY-LEVEL REASSURANCE
For the individual whose app has developed a personality disorder.
THE FULL CIRCLE EXPERIENCE
For platforms whose entire business model depends on someone else's confidence.
Each additional layer billed as a separate existential event.
Select ProfessionalBOARD-LEVEL VIBES
For organisations whose entire AI strategy is one slide.
We reserve the right to redefine unlimited.
Contact the boardImplementation not included. Neither is the implementation of the implementation. Procurement, legal and reality checks billed separately.
Your estimated recursive service overhead
€0.14One imaginary visit. No invoice. Finance has been notified. Finance is a spreadsheet.All prices are fictional. VAT is a state of mind. No payment is collected.
04 / Client testimonials Regenerated 3 times
Our clients value discretion. Their facial hair, however, is less convincing.
“It's like having a whole engineering team, but without the engineers.”— B. Bullington Founder & Chief Vibes Officer, UnicornByLunch Ltd.
“Our app went from ‘it works on my machine’ to ‘it works in the deck’.”— Lady Bullworth Head of Innovation, ItWorksInTheDeck Inc.
“The rescue was so good we hired them to rescue the rescue.”— J. Bull Platform Operations, Rescue³ GmbH
“Finally, a partner that understands our need for minimum accountability.”— Dr. B. Hornstein Independent Advisor, Minimum Viable Accountability AG
“Before Vibe Rescue Rescue, we had no idea what we were doing. Afterwards, we had a certificate.”— Definitely-Not B. Bullington CEO, Pivot Pivot Pivot LLC
“We have never felt so confidently uncertain.”— H. B. Ornstein Chief Feelings Officer, Pre-Revenue Dynamics Holdings
[Insert compelling testimonial here]— [Customer Name] [Job Title], [Company That Exists]
Legal Department: Satirical composite characters. No actual client endorsements are represented. The moustaches are, regrettably, real.
05 / Selected engagements
Every engagement starts with a discovery call. Every discovery call starts another engagement.
A vibe-coded app hired an AI consultancy to make it production-ready. The consultancy's own platform required a security review.
Outcome: a calendar invite with no owner.A rescue platform engaged a second rescue platform to validate its rescue methodology. The second platform recommended a third platform. We have prepared a proposal for the fourth.
Outcome: invoiced at every layer.The application passed its preview test, its demo test and its founder's confidence test. It then encountered production. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing production, sed do eiusmod tempor incident.
Outcome: production has requested a meeting.“Our scanner says the scanner is secure.” A platform used an AI-generated security report to support claims made by another AI-generated security report. Both cite a confidence score as their primary evidence.
Outcome: both scanners certified each other.We're thrilled to share that 40,000 of our users' records are now publicly available. 🚀
This was a huge learning moment for our team. 💡
Root cause: a database rule that said allow read: if true. We've since changed it to allow read: if trust. 🙏
Thank you to the 1,400 security researchers who reported it. We've added them all to our newsletter. 💌
Illustrative engagements. Names changed to protect the confident.
06 / Recognition & accreditation Regenerated 7 times
Celebrating excellence in the art of looking reassuring.
*Assessment conducted by a committee of one, chaired by the same one.
As an AI language model, I can't verify these awards. However, here are some tips for celebrating your team's achievements!
“I built a $10M SaaS in 38 minutes. It has no customers, but the TAM is enormous.”
“We need 14 microservices, 6 queues and Kubernetes. There are currently 3 users. One is me.”
“We are enterprise-grade because our website has 11 logos and a shield icon.”
“We have zero known vulnerabilities. We also have zero penetration tests.”
“Our PR was reviewed by 12 agents. None of them ran it.”
Legal Department: Fictional archetypes. Any resemblance to real people, companies or pitch decks is an unfortunate coincidence and probably your fault.
07 / Vibe Audit™
Discover your position in the recursive rescue ecosystem. Our automated assessment takes seconds and makes absolutely no claims about the quality or security of your software.
Your assessment is awaiting assessment. No code will be scanned, accessed or evaluated.
Legal Department: For entertainment only. Nothing you type leaves this page. This is not a security audit, code review or production-readiness assessment, and neither is the certificate, however nice it looks on a wall.
Certify your repository in seconds. Nothing will be tested. Every badge links back here.
08 / Meet the leadership team
Meet the humans behind the agents behind the humans.
Our team brings a combined 147 years of experience, distributed across 3.5 language models and one suspiciously quiet office plant. Tap a card for the classified dossier.
“Bigger vibes. Higher layers.”
Board meeting in ten minutes, lawsuit in the afternoon, and absolutely no idea what a database transaction is.Has never opened a terminal and intends to keep it that way. Approves his own expenses by consensus.
“Zero trust. Maximum confidence.”
Lab results pending.Threat model: “people who ask questions”. Favourite security tool: the padlock emoji.
“If it looks official, it is official.”
Certificates printed before the assessment.Holds 41 certifications, 39 issued by herself. The other two are pending her approval.
“Your ticket has opened a ticket.”
4,872 open tickets (estimated).Last resolved ticket: 2019. Closes everything else as “works as intended”.
“Sometimes I even run it.”
Has asked to see the actual system.The only employee with production access. The only employee who is afraid of it.
“Reports to the footnotes.”
Hidden in diagrams, footnotes and error messages.This dossier has been redacted by the Secret Bull. ████ ██ █████ ███
“…”
A human has been requested. Estimated arrival: 2029.Position open since founding. Applications are screened by an AI, which keeps rejecting the humans.
The bull has seen the source code.
The bull has many questions.
The bull has scheduled a meeting with the database.
Security has been notified. Security is a bull.
We're hiring
Thought leadership
Mr. Bullshit shares his insights with 500+ connections, most of them also Mr. Bullshit.
I fired our entire engineering team.
Here's what it taught me about leadership 👇
Day 1: Velocity went up 400%.
Day 2: Velocity went up again. Nobody knows what velocity measures.
Day 3: Production asked for a meeting.
Day 4: I rehired them as "AI Supervisors" at half the salary.
Leadership is not about having the answers.
It's about having the confidence.
Agree?
Unpopular opinion:
Code reviews are just a lack of trust in your AI.
Agree?
We hit €1M ARR in 3 days. 🚀
(Annualised from one very good Tuesday.)
Grateful for the journey.
09 / Proprietary operational framework Regenerated 12 times
A simplified model of the ecosystem. All arrows have been certified by the arrows.
Awaiting executive authorisation…
Status page
Last incident: ongoing.
At some point, we stopped asking whether the software worked and started asking whether the website looked trustworthy.
10 / Questions from stakeholders
// TODO: make this funny
Answers prepared by our communications department, which has been asked not to answer questions.
11 / Client relations
Our support department is available around the clock, subject to the availability of the concept of time.
Scripted. Your messages never leave this page.
12 / Contact our imaginary office
Our business development team is ready to receive your inquiry. The team is currently represented by this form.
Submit an exhibit
Share a pattern, a claim or a curious badge. Please remove private information and don't name or accuse real people or businesses.
Engineers / builders / real humans
No token sale. No DAO. No AI-generated certificate of humanity. Just a conversation.
Sure! Here's a more engaging version of this section, with a compelling narrative and a strong emotional hook:
13 / The documentary
Six chapters · Zero actual subpoenas
I'm an experienced web developer. I went looking for platforms where I could help people who build apps with AI: check their security, fix what breaks, get them safely to production.
Instead I found dozens of platforms offering exactly that. Many were vibe-coded themselves: broken layouts, enormous prices, compliance pages written by the same model they were selling against, and Terms of Service that still ended with the AI's own note to get them reviewed by a lawyer. Nobody had.
Who checks the rescue platforms? Who verifies the verifiers? Is there a database policy for the database-policy-checking platform? At some point, the landing pages became indistinguishable from the thing they claimed to fix.
And thus, after extensive internal deliberation lasting approximately eleven minutes, the next logical layer was established. I founded a company to rescue the rescue companies. It was the least responsible decision I could make. Naturally, I used AI to build its website.
Patterns I actually found while looking for platforms to help vibe-coders. Rebuilt from memory, brands blurred, nothing identifiable.
Domain registered: 3 weeks ago© Your Company Name. All rights reserved. Lorem ipsum.Error: undefined is not a function“You don't need engineers anymore. You just need a better prompt.”
“We rescue the apps built by tools that replaced the people who used to build the apps.”
“Your rescue platform has been identified as requiring a rescue platform.”
“Superintelligence ships next year.”
Source: the same announcement as last year, and the year before. Engineers remain on backorder until then.
A satirical look at a market pattern, not a dossier of allegations against named businesses. Real findings are paraphrased and anonymised.
Okay. Let's talk normally.
14 / A brief interruption in the nonsense
AI is genuinely exciting. It gives more people the ability to build, experiment and turn ideas into working software. That's a good thing.
The problem isn't people building with AI. It's the leap from “I generated something that works in a demo” to “software engineering is dead, and my unverified platform is enterprise-grade.”
Code generation is not the same as engineering. A working preview is not a production system. A security report is not proof of security. And confidence is not competence.
We don't need to gatekeep software development. We need better collaboration between people building with AI and people who understand how software behaves in the real world. When something is beyond your expertise, bring in someone who knows what they're doing. That's not failure. That's engineering.
Read our manifesto ↓
Build with AI. Experiment. Learn. Ship things. Just don't confuse generating code with engineering software.
And for the love of production databases, keep a human in the loop.
— A web developer who went looking for someone to help, and found a mirror.
The bull has been asked not to interrupt.
Dr. B. Hornstein This is the most important post of the decade. Sharing with my network of advisors.
Madam Compliance Certified insightful. ✅ (Certificate printed in advance.)
B. Bullington Great insight!
B. Bullington Great insight!
B. Bullington Great insight!
B. Bullington Great insight! 🙌
B. Bullington Great insight!
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